Control & Surrender: Taking A Closer Look

Exploring how wisdom traditions teach us to move with life, rather than against it.

Author’s Note: Alongside my free Friday reflections, I also share a second piece each week on Tuesdays—sometimes a poem, sometimes a resource—for paid subscribers. These posts are part of my commitment to writing regularly and building a sustainable creative life. The Friday letters will remain free and open to all.

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Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

I have been reflecting lately on the concepts of control and surrender. I’ve been noticing where I become caught in trying to control outcomes — moments when I grip too tightly to how I think things should unfold.

What would happen, I wonder, if I loosened that grip? If I surrendered — handed back the need to manage what was never mine to control?

In today’s world, the word control is often associated with power, restraint, mastery, and governance — exerting power over another person or circumstance. But this wasn’t its original meaning. At its root, control did not mean “to dominate” or “to command.” It meant to check against something, to compare for accuracy, to ensure alignment — an act of careful observation.

On the other hand, the word “surrender” originates from the Old French “surrendre” (12th century), meaning to give up, deliver, or hand over. To surrender is not to yield or be defeated. At its core, it’s an act of entrustment and return — placing something once held back into its rightful place.

Last week, I wrote about how the wilderness is a place where our illusions of control fall away. It confronts us with the truth that our attempts to force, demand, or plead for life to unfold our way simply don’t work. Somewhere along the line, I have become convinced that I could control how everything would turn out. It turns out I was wrong (to which, I’m sure, the God of my understanding had a little chuckle).

In the language of Taoism and with surrender in mind, how does one give in to “the Way” - the natural flow of life that underlies and moves through all things?

Below, I’ve shared how various spiritual traditions and modern psychological frameworks understand control and surrender. I invite you to read through them slowly, taking note of what resonates with you or stirs something within. Afterward, I’ll offer a reflection question to help you explore this theme more deeply. Then, on Friday, I’ll share my own reflections from where I find myself right now.

So, without further ado, let’s take a look…