🌿 If you’re not yet subscribed, I invite you to click here to join me on this journey of reflection, healing, and spiritual renewal. Each week, I share essays and poetry to help you return to yourself and what matters most.
“Let go—or be dragged.”
This Zen proverb resonated with me during a recent two-week period of sadness, alienation, and anger. A childhood wound had been triggered, and I found myself projecting old pain onto another person. I reacted with rage and judgment, desperate to prove they were wrong.
In a conversation with a friend, I realized my anger stemmed from unresolved pain I had yet to release. As this insight settled in, my anger began to ease, and a part of my ego softened—opening the door to compassion for the other person, for myself, and for my past. While not a definitive “letting go” moment, simply noticing my attachment allowed the emotion to pass rather than cling to me.
It’s as if my ego understood that holding onto this anger serves no real purpose. I can rationalize, justify, defend, and criticize, but to what end? What am I actually defending? If it’s only my ego seeking to be right and validated, then I need to release that need or risk being dragged into a cycle of anger and judgment indefinitely.
Becoming Aware of Attachment
"Whenever we recognize an outsized emotional response, we can be pretty certain that we are over-identified with something or our shadow self has just been activated and exposed. If we are ultimately incapable of detaching from an emotion, we are far too attached!"
—Richard Rohr.
In the story I shared above, I realize how, as Richard Rohr wonderfully cautions, I became far too attached to my emotional response. As I sat with this realization, I was reminded that one of the foundational doctrines in Buddhism is that attachment is the root of suffering. This understanding is part of Buddhism's Four Noble Truths, which teach that suffering, or dukkha, arises not from life’s challenges themselves but from our clinging to them—our expectations, identities, or desired outcomes.
The Buddha taught that life includes suffering, such as sickness, aging, death, and grief, but also encompasses a subtle dissatisfaction where things are never quite enough or as we wish them to be. He explained that while pain in life is inevitable, our grasping for pleasure, resisting change, or clinging to ideals instead of accepting reality creates heaviness and turbulence in our lives.
A powerful Buddhist metaphor perfectly captures this idea: Picture being hit by an arrow, symbolizing the inevitable pain of life. Now imagine adding a second arrow by resisting or fixating on that pain. Buddha teaches us that while the first arrow is unavoidable, the second is a choice. Clinging to our pain only amplifies our suffering. Embracing this wisdom allows us to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and grace.
Releasing to Move Forward
The concept of “letting go” is often misunderstood as indifference, but in Buddhism, it embodies something much deeper. It encourages us to engage fully in life without clinging too tightly to our desires. When we release our attachments, we can embrace love, work, grief, and creativity from a place of openness rather than desperation. This shift fosters deeper compassion, freeing us from the confines of our own grasping.
In my own experience, I discovered that my intense need to be right was blinding me to the truth. Once I recognized this, it felt like a weight lifted, and I could see things more clearly and compassionately.
Returning to Buddhism, one of the most famous parables from the Buddha is the teaching of the raft, which mirrors my own journey of releasing anger and attachment.
Imagine a person who comes to a river. On one side is danger, difficulty, and fear; on the other side are safety, peace, and freedom. However, there is no bridge or boat to cross the river. So, the person gathers branches, twigs, and leaves, binding them together to create a raft.
With effort—sometimes paddling with their hands and feet—they cross the river safely. Once on the other side, they reflect on all they went through and think, “This raft has been very helpful to me. I will carry it on my back everywhere I go.”
To this, the Buddha then asks, "Would that be wise?" The raft served its purpose; does the person really need to keep carrying it as they move forward on their journey?
Throughout our lives, we acquire and adapt many tools to help us move from danger to safety, including hypervigilance, anger, sadness, and sometimes even humour. This is all perfectly healthy and normal as we navigate our own wide river of human experience. However, once we are safe, do we really need to keep carrying these tools with us? According to the Buddha, “These tools are like a raft, meant for crossing over, not for holding on to.”
Creating Space
Recognizing what we carry—emotional, mental, or physical—is the first step; the next is intentionally creating space. Just as the Buddha’s raft served its purpose and was best left behind, we can examine the tools, habits, and attachments we’ve been holding onto and explore practical ways to release them.
Mental Clutter
This refers to the constant chatter in the mind—unfinished to-dos, worries about the future, replaying the past, and overthinking decisions. A cluttered mind scatters attention, making it challenging to be present.
Clearing Practices:
Journaling (expressing thoughts on paper).
Meditation or silence (allowing thoughts to come and go without attachment).
Single-tasking (focusing on one task at a time).
Emotional Clutter
This involves the buildup of unprocessed feelings—resentments, unexpressed grief, old wounds, shame, and unexpressed anger. Stagnant emotions weigh on the heart and subtly shape our reactions to others.
Clearing Practices:
Naming and feeling emotions instead of suppressing them.
Seeking therapy or coaching to untangle old stories.
Engaging in forgiveness and release rituals—not to dismiss pain, but to set it down.
Using creative expression (art, poetry, movement) to give feelings a safe outlet.
Physical Clutter
This is the most obvious type—cluttered spaces, disorganized belongings, and overcommitted schedules. Our outer environment often mirrors our inner state. Too much “stuff” can make it harder to feel at ease or find clarity.
Clearing Practices:
Decluttering with intention: keep what serves you, release what doesn’t.
Simplifying commitments: reduce obligations to make more space for what nourishes you.
Creating environments that feel restful and align with your values.
At its core, clearing is less about “getting rid of” and more about making space—for presence, creativity, connection, and rest.
Conclusion
The boat that once carried us across the wide river no longer serves a purpose as we traverse the land. We do not need to keep it "just in case." Instead, we must believe in our resourcefulness and trust that when we need to cross another body of water, a new solution suitable for that moment will be available to us.
Each of us carries memories—some negative, some positive. Every day, we continuously create the story of our lives. However, like any good narrative, we cannot linger too long in the past or daydream excessively about the future. Our lives are built in the here and now, shaped by each choice we make regarding who we want to be and the life we wish to create.
By releasing what anchors us to the past, we lighten our load and open up space to embrace new possibilities.
What old beliefs or practices are you ready to let go of to create the life you truly desire?
Leave a comment or send me a message with your thoughts. I would love to hear from you.
With warmth & gratitude,
Brooke.
