The Sanctuary Within

Finding Safety, Strength, and Belonging in Yourself

I am blessed to live in a relatively safe environment when it comes to my physical safety. It is not something I have to worry about regularly. There was an episode a few months back where I was at the mall with my family. I almost got caught up in a fight between two boys, with one getting pepper-sprayed in the face (my heart went out to that boy who got sprayed), but besides something random like that occurring, I live a pretty sheltered life.

That said, I have struggled with emotional safety for most of my life. Growing up, I received harmful messages from church and faced criticism at home, which made me very cautious and guarded about whom I would open up to or show my true self. As a result, I became shy and reserved, often opting to observe rather than engage. I developed a strong "antenna system" for scanning my environment to identify who was safe and who was not.

This same system to assess people I meet is still in place today. I categorize each person into "safe" and "unsafe" groups. While this method helps me keep my circle small and maintain emotional safety, I now recognize that it also leads to disconnection from others. My black-and-white sorting approach leaves little room for navigating the complexities of human relationships.

I know I’m not alone in this; many of us, particularly those shaped by trauma or differing experiences, develop our own versions of this internal sorting system. It serves as a quiet form of self-protection, which makes sense but also limits the potential for connection, nuance, and mutual growth.

I've also realized that I've placed my sense of safety outside myself, relying on others to determine who is safe and who is not. The thought, "They are safe and will take care of me; they are unsafe, and I need to beware," has dominated my perspective. This is why the question, "Where does safety reside within me?" struck me so immediately when I heard it. I had never considered whether I had a sanctuary within, a place untouched by fear or external threat.

A warm light glowing from within

This question arose while I was listening to a recorded coaching call from my current program, the Deep Coaching Intensive. The conversation between the coach and the client focused on safety, specifically how the client wanted to create a safe environment for those she worked with. The coach then challenged her to explore her own safety, posing the pivotal question: "Where does safety reside within you?"

This question resonated deeply and prompted me to reflect: "Where does safety reside within me?" How can I know I am safe, no matter who I am around or what environment I find myself in? How can I connect to my own sense of safety? These are the questions I have begun to ask myself.

Accessing Fear and Safety

“There is a place in me that no fear can reach.” ~ attributed to Julian of Norwich

After hearing this question during the coaching session, I began to repeat it to myself and reflect on what arose. Initially, I felt nothing, but after a while, I heard a "voice" urging me to connect with my breath. This made perfect sense. Fear, judgment, and criticism all stem from our minds (or our Ego). My scanning system assessed my environment and the people around me and drew from my past experiences and memories. It is a process that looks back into my memory banks to determine how to keep myself safe in the present. This can be a very cerebral process.

Connecting back with my breath allowed me to leave my head and re-engage with my body. It became a doorway into my inner sanctuary, a space beyond thought. Yes, this was a good first step.

As I continued to sit with the question, I began to feel a strong energy rising from my solar plexus. If I had to put words to it, it felt like, "Alright, where's the danger? I'll take care of it. We've got this!" It was not afraid at all. It felt like a protective mama bear rising up to safeguard her cubs. It was as if my inner child felt scared, and my inner strength arose to ask, "What do we need?"

As I connected with this energy by placing my hand on the area, I realized that this was my source of safety, courage, strength, and power. It's always there, waiting to be called upon. This energy isn't violent or fearful; in fact, it feels very nurturing and accepting. By connecting with this energy, I understood that I didn't need to shun or reject my fear and need for safety. Quite the opposite; I needed to honour, love, and accept them. They are integral parts of me.

The courageous energy needs my fear to alert it when action is required. Then, it can rise up, take my hand, and stand together with me to face whatever challenges lie ahead. This loving energy reassures me, saying, "I am here."

Dissolving the Illusion of Difference

As I continued to reflect and journal about safety, I realized that some of the times when I feel most unsafe occur when I perceive that I am viewed as different.

I've always felt a bit different, like an outsider. My hidden sexuality during childhood and adolescence played a role in that, but I also had many interests that didn't align with what I was "supposed" to have. Because of this, I sometimes faced teasing, exclusion, and rejection. Being different felt unsafe.

My experiences have led me to believe that I need to protect myself when I am perceived as different or not fitting in. However, I have realized that I was doing the same thing to others — seeing them as "different" and therefore unsafe. Isn't that the root of much of the division in our world? When we exile difference, whether in ourselves or in others, we reinforce a culture of suspicion and separation instead of one of shared humanity.

Recognizing and respecting the identities of others while embracing our own, without creating divisions, takes inner strength. It requires understanding where our safety resides within ourselves so we can feel safe regardless of the situation without projecting our fears onto others. When we claim our own safety, we create a space where others can be themselves, differences and all. We are not separate beings; we are sacred beings, along with all humans, creatures, and living organisms.

Safety is not Control

Control is not the same as safety. I cannot control how others respond to me, nor can I determine events or outcomes. However, I can control my responses to these situations and take steps to keep myself safe. I am capable of meeting my own needs and taking care of myself.

Inner safety is not merely about achieving peace of mind; it’s about finding an inner sanctuary where I am fully known and fully held — not by others, but by myself. When I belong to myself and know how to access my own safety, I will always feel secure. I will be true to myself and feel sustained by my own inner strength. I experience safety when I connect with that power within me.

When I can access this inner safety, I become powerful and unshakable. I understand that the Universe will protect me, and I possess the strength to confront my fears. I can trust myself to care for my needs when I feel hurt or afraid.

To quote Julian of Norwich once more,

"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."

When we connect to the place within us where safety truly resides, we awaken a deep well of inner strength, courage, and resilience. This presence doesn't promise a life without hardship but assures us we are never alone in facing it. Rooted in this inner sanctuary, we find the steadiness to meet whatever arises. All shall be well. I know this now—not as wishful thinking but as a truth. I can feel it in my body when I return to my centre again and again.

If you are curious to explore your own sanctuary, here are some questions to guide you inward:

• How do you define safety in your own life, and what does it mean to you to feel safe?

• What practices help you return to your inner sanctuary, and how can you deepen that connection in times of uncertainty?

• How can embracing your inner safety transform your attitude towards uncertainty and change in your life?

Please leave a comment below or send me a note. I would love to hear from you.

With warmth & gratitude,
Brooke.